she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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