I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Please, let me fuck your mom
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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