She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
