if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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