She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
