Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
