nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
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