i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
