Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
