capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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