In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
