woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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