Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
