Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
