Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just forgot I was standing up.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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