Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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