I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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