Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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