Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
