you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
