I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
