My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
