I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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