what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
