We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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