She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
