Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
