i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
