If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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