oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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