i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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