it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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