WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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