I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
