Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
