So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
