So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
