Apparently you make a good broom.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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