My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
