Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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