Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
