you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
