I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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