But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
