Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
