The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
one might say we're banned from that church
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
