She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
