i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
