Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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