i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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