Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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