You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
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