i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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