saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
