Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
