woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
