we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
