420 ftw
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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