i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
