I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
