Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm at about main and main street
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
