Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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