I puked a lego.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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