I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
