I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
