Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
